Trust

Someone told me that I've been putting myself at risk..trusting people so easily..Despite the fact that i'm being told this, but I realized too..In a way..
..I shouldn't trust people so much..'cause it may just make history repeat itself. In whatever sense..I never do learn my lesson do I? Guess 'cause the heart thinks more than the mind..or even the mind doesn't think at all..

Sometimes, I have this thing in me..where I sense vibes coming from a person..it's kinda like...I just know I can trust this person when I see him/her..I just see an honest face..but there's also sometimes..people like me..that's too stupid to think..I end up believing in the wrong person...

I used to look at things differently..making everything so complicated and frustrating..when in actual fact, all I have to do is just look at things in a simpler way..I'd like to believe that there's goodness in everyone..Even if I may be a fool doing that, well..at least I'm a happy fool.=)

Passion vs. Prison..

I'm pretty much drained out again today..guess it's the fever taking over my body..did something stupid yesterday but I just thank god for loving and protecting me so much..No more meds doing the thinking..yeesh..

Oh btw..My darling is officially engage..her future hubby proposed to her..and I'm so freaking excited..I'm overwhelmed with happiness..(cheh..as if I'm the one getting married..yeesh..)I'm really super duper happy...excited..and..the feeling I'm getting is like hmmm..an excited child getting her first Barbie Doll..hehe...it's like hmmmm...words can't describe my emotions..one word..overwhelmed..yipee!



Oh yes..and I lost weight..must be "ming li"..swts..25 days and counting.."she's" the reason why I probably feel so lethargic all the time..*sighs* It's a good thing loosing weight though..from 47Kg to...44.8Kg..not too bad for a period of one month..hehehe..=p

Another pamperlicious day in sanctuary..thank you..(",)

Anyways..the passion vs.prison..you know how it's like when you actually know you're gonna hate doing something, but your parents..well in this case parent..forbids..ugh..they always want you to be like them and it's so wrong because you are your own person..right?If pursuing your passion means giving up your duty as a daughter and imprisoning yourself...is it even ethical??

I may be an introvert but that doesn't mean I can't be succesful pursuing my passion..sighs..I'm trying to remember the fact that I am my own person..impossible to if u're coming from a home that plans every step you take..Every step I take is covered by muds and soil..but the road to imprisonment is always clean cut..but at this stage..as mean and unfilial as it may sounds..I'm pursuing my passion and letting my parent down..I need to get down and dirty to realise who I am..That's the fact..yeeesh...that's a pretty fucked up thing to say..but I need to grow myself..I'm not a baby anymore..but that doesn't mean I love you any less..sighs..tat's a plus point to the bucket of shit..yeesh..

It was an ok day..but the last part was good..pamperlicious and finally convinced someone to admit that he is a male-pig..hehehe..=)

Life is an opened book that we right our journey in. As tough as it may seem, but the harder it is..the more you learn, and learning is an experience that no one can take away from you because it is the one thing that changes who you are..positively.

Pamperlicious

I'm sick..feverish..and stuck in a Cyber Cafe with smoke+noise+migraine..Good Luck to Me!

It's been awhile since I've felt pampered..too
long to count..but I'd estimate about a year and a half
or maybe more..But today's chillin' session gave me comfort..
I felt pampered and spoilt and honestly..it's a good feeling.
Having someone stroke your hair to sleep..I think the last time
that happened was about..hmmmm...probably like when I was..hmmmmm
8 or 9 years old..Having your hair stroked as you fall asleep in the comfort of
warmness, security and peace..one word..sanctuary.

I had a migraine today..guess it was either from the rain yesterday..
or..probably because it's been a tough week and I'm drained out..
mentally..physically and emotionally..I'm sensing this feeling..kindda
afraid I'll fall back into the "D" word..I'm this overly-emotional bitch..
it took me about 3 1/2 months to recover the last time..hmmm..i think realizing it is a good sign..cos "d-ed" out people don't know..so it's a good thing..BUT..although I've
been drained..In this two weeks..I've never laughed so hard for the past two weeks in a year or more..
=)

It's just the going home part that sucks..I think and think..analyzing stuffs and trying to predict the future is one hell of a sick job for someone who can barely sleep..Late nights non-stop+being really blind at night does not do any good to a blind-eyed old-bitch like me..*sighs* But I'm looking up..I do believe somehow..someway..life will take a right turn..so no harm to that ain't it..=)

There are ups and downs..so I'm focusing on getting closer to that bucket of sweets..A pamperlicious day made feel much better..it's good to know that you have someone to lean on when those shoulders are tired..

that's a +1 to the bucket of sweets..much closer.

sleep-o-logy

Exhaustion lingers within the body as I feel the little switches in my body..slowly turning off bit by bit..one by one..then..my brain slows down to the pace of a crippled old lady..I think but can't speak the words just yet..I want to say it out..but i'm just too tired..too tired that the brains can't send the words over to
the lips..I'm drained..I..need to walk to the bed..the cold soft silky sheets..finally..arrived..putting that heavy head to rest on the comfort of such a fluffy cottoned silk covered pillow..aaahhh..paradise at its perfection..and suddenly..the eyes won't shut. It looks at the side..from side to side the eyes run wildly..I lie awake in the comfort of sanctuary as the silk sheets gently touches my body..the blanket wraps me up like a baby in the comfort of her mother's arm..yet..I lie awake..my mind is scattered all over the place..thoughts linger through my mind...I'm trying to sleep..I slept at 6.30, the night before..woke up as the sun brightly shone into my room at a cold 9.30 morning..and now I lie awake in my bed blogging..my sleep-o-logy...the more tired u are..the harder it is to float into dreamland..sighs...

Anger is a mental drug.

It's one of those days again..
Where every thing you do goes way wrong..
Drained out from interviews after interviews..
Car got over-heated..stayed in the mechanics for
..ok fine less than an hour while I needed to pee
desperately..but whatever..bottom line..today
was one of those pissing off days..*sighs*
but..i'm sure there'll be a rainbow up ahead.=)

The Princess In Every Little Girl

I think it's kindda common,
Every little girls fantasy,
They dream of livin' a fairytale..
The tall, handsome prince charming,
Swiping you off on his beautiful white horse,

A simple case of deception..
Fairy tale don't come true..
Never have and Never will..
Here's the thing,

Fairy tale's are meant for
people who have no dreams, no hope in love,
no believe..

It's kindda like a drug,
to make you believe in love..and off you go finding yourself..

But for people like me,
It's kindda screwed up..
Cos I live in reality but part of me ain't so close..
I'm always livin' in a fairytale,
Where dreams are a part of me..
Silly, but true..

But now I realized,
There's no such thing as fairytale..
It's just the little princess inside of me...

The Bucket of Sweets Vs. The Bucket of Shit~in simple mathematics.

The imperfections in life makes life seem like a bucket of shit..
Life's a never ending drama..It comes, it hits you and it leaves you
broken..again you stand up and it comes hitting you again till there's
no way out..but yet you stand up, crippled..broken and at the end of the day
all you're left with is you, yourself and that big bucket of shit.

We are so caught up with that stench, the miserable little smell, that every little step closer we take to the bucket of sweets, we're turned off by the big bucket of shit..and what's left in our memory..is never the sweetness of the candy..but rather the stench of shit..silly, ain't we all?

we are so caught with the imperfections of life,
but all we have to do is look back at those tracks,
and skip all the bumpy roads,
acceptance is one thing,
believing is another,
seeing yourself from the eyes of an angel,
from the eyes of an innocent child,
Here's a choice,
to walk those crippled legs and put your head up high,
or to never lift that crippled leg, and never know what's it like..
If shit is going to stop you, then how will you ever know what sweets taste like?

It's easier said the done, and i'm taking my time because, I just want to make sure,
When I stand up..this time..no more falling..i'm going to put my head up high.♥

Thank you my dear friend and thank you for foreseeing the future and writing track 5.. ♥♥♥