Friday, September 20, 2013

All Too Familliar

I came across an article it some of the words seem all too familiar... http://www.thestar.com.my/News/Nation/2013/09/20/Beauty-TV-ads-cosmetic-surgery.aspx About a week ago, I met someone who seems obsessed with the literal meaning of perfection: BIG EYES/SHARP NOSE/OVAL SHAPED FACE/SULTRY LIPS/SKINNY/BIG BOOBS AND THE "PERFECT" ASS. It hit me, not in a very nice way. What is the meaning of beauty? As far as I can remember, I was reminded for the past 26 years of my life of the small assets I had, I became obsessed. I remember stuffing anything that could make me lose weight down my throat, the after effect was not good. And why did I do it? Because I wanted to make the people around me "proud". My idea of beauty was Barbie, but since I am Asian, I'd like to look like all the movie stars I could remember. Of course not till I met you.You changed my perception of Beauty, the understanding and the meaning of it. You brought new meaning to my life, to the life I once knew..You put an end to it, and you brought me to a better place. But once in awhile, I still can't forget the idea of perfection. It hurts to know that my flaws are opened for the world to see. The pain when I look in the mirror and all I see is..this thing. This vase, the kind of vase that has been smashed on the ground, glued together. Flawed. I wish I could look better, I wish I was taller, I wish this and I wish that. My idea of perfection sways from one to another with a snap of a finger. Is it me, or is it the darkness in me? Who am I? Or what I am? A bag of insecurity? or just a child trapped in someone else's body. You are my inspiration. I am trying to love myself, because I love you and because you love me. But am I strong enough? Or will my scars remind me of the darkest past? Will my scars heal itself? Or should I carry it with me till the end of my day? It is only because I have you, that I dare to take a step further. What about those who have never found someone like you? What will their lives be? Will it all be a lie of imperfections? Are they going to fall into the cruel world of vanity? How about their children? When will they love themselves? I wish people could see. I wish they would wake up. I wish they could stand up. But not everyone can. This sucks.

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