The Making of Bridezilla Part 2

How I came to be a paranoid bride. You know how they say, "Don't have a wedding. Just register and go for a honeymoon" Dips to whoever who said that. It's true. BUT. I wanted a wedding, to walk down the aisle with your soul mate.

See this man up there. Well, he completes me. And though we went through several of shit holes together, it's all okay. Because there is love. So how did I start my paranoia. As far as I can remember, the dil spoke to the hubs telling him that when we said we wanted to get married, he wanted a Chinese Wedding. Followed by my mil coming to me telling me to tell the hubs I wanted something, when I really did not want it. Plus, my dad trying to play the nice guy didn't help to back us up and mom there being nice but also playing the gasoline/charcoal adding person. To add on, dad's affair came to light. My heart broke. Not because I didn't already know, but because it was painful to start afresh when your past pulls you back. It was like struggling between turning left or right, whichever was the lesser of two evil. There was no way out. I wanted to seek comfort with my parents when the dil and mil were pressuring me to do things I didn't want to, I wanted the hubs to know yet was too afraid he'd be pissed. It was like a stand alone game. Mom and dad were not getting along. Hubs was moody all the time and dil and mil was adding on to my constant migraine. This developed into lack of sleep, chest pains, migraines and a whole lot of dip shit I don't even want to mention. Work was a B**** when the boss did not pay on time, and when the wedding was pulled forward...OMG. Financially we were drained. Closer to the wedding, my relationship with the dil and mil worsened drastically. We were different people from very different era, and I could not accept that they were different from the people I once knew. Mom and dad on the other hand improved in their relationship (but I still cannot sit in a room with them for more than half and hour without getting frustrated which is a lot better than the 15 minutes mark I used to give) and the hubs, I could see was tired from all the drama, pressure and annoyance. In return, we spoke less, he was moody most of the time which made me moody most of the time. He'd get annoyed at me for getting paranoid, but he couldn't see my POV. I knew things he didn't. My frustration worsened every time I got a FB message, or a secret come to the room session, plus they weren't the most pleasant to my parents. My fault too. I should have said it out. But watching a child fight with his parents because of his wife is something no woman should ever do to her man. I've watched my parents go through that, and how their marriage failed miserably. I was not going to allow my marriage to follow their footsteps before it even started. The hubs started getting annoyed at me claiming I was trying to control him and he felt suffocated. I felt suffocated too. Honestly, at that point...I wanted to just call off the wedding and just take a breather. (Hubs..if you're reading this, I am sorry and it won't happen again. No more secrets.) To control my anger, my frustration and the stress that was suffocating me, i turned to my pain killers. It made me numb. I took it whether or not ming li was here. Not much but 2-3 pills a time every 1-2 days. Did it for almost two weeks and I got scared when I woke up one night, sweating and gasping for air. I looked at you, and you were sound asleep (snoring actually). I kissed you and told myself, never again. Bride's don't normally turn into bridezilla. They are forced into bridezilla. I know that now. And I apologize for the judgmental attitude I once had to bride's who whine and complain.